Elves Go on Strike

'Burn less coal – we need ice! Burn less coal – we need ice!'
Ah, good! You can hear us, but can you see us standing on individual icecaps, holding up banners? - Nice binoculars. Did we make them for you last Christmas?

If you just zoom in a little there to where we're all floating and shift your attention to the front of the crowd – see that elf with a snare drum strapped to his left hip? That's me. My arm may be aching from striking the drum with my handcrafted stick but it's the price for leading a long overdue strike. United by the beat, chant with us: 'Burn less coal – we need ice! Burn less coal – we need ice! Burn less coal – we need ice!'

Now drag your eyes away from us chanting and glance up at the towering glacier in front until your head is fully resting on the back of your neck. Do you see the famous man in red with white trim among a dozen board members with red caps on pledging to Make Christmas Great? Well, we've just spoilt their plans this year by boycotting to work at The North Pole in response to the toy factory's poor working conditions caused by Global Warming. Oopsie - not oopsie…

You see, every year for centuries, Mr Claus would make a list to find out who's naughty or nice. While the nice received our marvellous elf creations for Christmas each year, those that were naughty were given just a lump of coal. Unbeknown to Mr Claus at the time, those repeatedly on the naughty list collected their lump of coal as a cold reminder of their harsh childhood. Each with a chip on their shoulder and wealth in the palm of their filthy hands would grow up to become selfish and spiteful adults and go on to build the very foundations of what we know today as The Industrial Revolution, which is believed to be responsible for heating up our planet through the burning of fossil fuels; coal being the dirtiest of them all for rising global temperature.

As temperatures continue to soar, because of the greenhouse effect, sea ice at The North Pole has been melting rapidly, increasing water levels. Our homes, village stores and toy factories have all been damaged by frequent flooding and icy landslides. It's got to the point that Mr Claus' magic is helpless, and Mr Sandman's sandbags have become useless. That is why we have gone on strike.

Quick, draw your binoculars to the elf in orange in the middle of the crowd with a megaphone. Do you see her? She's just tilted the megaphone up towards Mr Claus and the board. Shhhh, let's hear what she has to say…

'We will no longer work day and night in freezing water up to our knees to meet the board's stocking filler targets! And like our banners yell: We will no longer be part of the problem! If that means creating new traditions that are eco-friendly, so be it!!!'

'Yeeeeaaahhhh!!!'

'Saving the planet from Climate Change should be at the top of everyone's Christmas list. It affects us all! Burn less coal – we need ice!'

'Burn less coal – we need ice!'

Uh-oh! Did you hear that?! I must look silly to you frantically waving my stick above my head but how else do I get everyone to fall silent?! The pounding of the drum and the echoing of our angry voices have vibrated through the towering glacier sending out an almighty cracking sound. You can no longer see Mr Claus and the board from where you're standing, can you? They've shimmied back from the ledge. I suspect they felt the glacier's instability pulsing through their boots.

Holy candy canes! It's exactly how I imagine a skyscraper to collapse when being demolished. Check out that mammoth chunk of glacier breaking away. It's a good thing Mr Claus and the board moved back – I can't believe where they stood no longer exists, can you? Oh my! Look at those waves coming towards you! Don't worry about us, save yourself! We've been taught by penguins how to belly surf on icecaps. We've got this!